i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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