Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
