Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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