Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
