when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
bring money and cleavage
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
