I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
