Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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