Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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