why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
