if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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