We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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