That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize