And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
