She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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