It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
