Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
