You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
