and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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