I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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