you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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