I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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