dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
