Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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