I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
