he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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