He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
