What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
