i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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