and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
