Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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