VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
