I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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