After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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