so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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