I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
so much tequila, so little girl.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
as a side note pls kill me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
