remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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