if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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