I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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