come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
