you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Still dying that you shit outside
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
