woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
