There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize