I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
