i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize