I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
