is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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