She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
