R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
