Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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