I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
