Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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