Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Houston, we have a blender
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
