went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
