a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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