Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
