We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
