Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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