Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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