It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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