Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
should my penis look like a turkey
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
