Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
