So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
