I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize