Cold hands, warm shart.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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