Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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