you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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