So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
